Why Anger Management Is A Myth, with Nick Wignall

Episode 12

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Do you struggle with anger issues? If so, you are not alone. Many dads share this problem. But as psychologist Nick Wignall explains, anger is not the real issue and the concept of anger management is a bad idea. 

Anger, like other emotions, is not something you can control. So trying to manage anger doesn’t work. 

A better strategy is to accept the emotion, validate it and try to manage how you react to it. It’s a subtle difference, but a very important one. 

In this interview, we discuss why dads often get overwhelmed with anger and react in negative ways such as yelling, becoming physically aggressive or ruminating and having negative thoughts. 

He provides some practical advice on how to deal with anger more effectively and how to teach your kids to deal with their anger.

This interview is a must-listen for anyone who struggles with anger or has children who are learning to deal with anger.

Today’s Guest

Nick Wignall is a licensed psychologist at The Cognitive Behavioral Institute of Albuquerque where he does psychotherapy with adults of all ages. He is board-certified in behavioural and cognitive psychology (ABPP) and specializes in empirically-supported treatments for anxiety and insomnia, including interoceptive exposure therapy for panic attacks, exposure and response prevention (ERP) for phobias and OCD, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) for sleep difficulties.

He has written a book about therapy and mental health and published hundreds of articles on topics related to practical psychology which have been featured on media outlets including NBC News, Business Insider, & Inc

Nick lives with his wife and three young daughters in Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

• Website: nickwignall.com
• Book: Find Your Therapy: A Practical Guide to Finding Quality Therapy
• Twitter: @ndwignall

What you’ll learn

• Why anger management is a myth
• Why so many dads feel overwhelmed by anger
• How we respond to anger in negative ways such as verbal aggression
• Why releasing your anger and ‘letting it out’ is a bad strategy
• How to accept your anger and manage your aggression
• How to break the cycle of ruminating 
• How to help your kids deal with anger in a positive way
• The 2 habits every dad should practise with their kids
• Why men are less likely to seek therapy compared to women
• Different types of therapy and how to choose the right one for you
  • Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
  • Psychoanalysis
  • Interpersonal therapy
  • Acceptance and commitment therapy

Resources

• Download a free copy of The Feeling Wheel – with 130 different emotions included.

Quotes by Nick Wignall

“The more you express anger the more it intensifies”

“We tend to think of anger as a negative emotion, but technically speaking anger is a positive emotion.”

“Anger feels good”

“Anger can be a defence mechanism to mask other more uncomfortable emotions”

“An important thing, that almost everyone can benefit from is to stop storytelling when you are angry”

“Acting on your anger doesn’t mean you are bad dad, we just all get blinded by our emotions sometimes”