Four Destructive Behaviours That Can Lead To Divorce, with Zach Brittle

Episode 3

Listen on

• Apple Podcasts
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• Stitcher

Summary

A huge body of research conducted by Dr John Gottman discovered that there were four main predictors of divorce, which he labelled “The Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse”

After studying hundreds of couples in real-life situations over many years, Gottman observed four common behaviours that were an accurate predictor of whether the marriage would end in divorce.

These four behaviours that lead to divorce are Criticism, Defensiveness, Stonewalling and Contempt. 

Now, don’t panic yet. Almost all relationships display some of these at different times. But if more than one of them is present on a regular basis, then it’s probably something you need to address. 

On today’s episode with couples counsellor Zach Brittle, we examine the four behaviours and discuss ways to identify them, label them and manage them in your relationship. 

We also discuss strategies for date nights and nurturing your relationships once kids arrive. And to top it off, Zach shares a couple of very bad dad jokes!

Today’s Guest

Zach Brittle is a marriage therapist who has been counseling couples for over 12 years. He has an MA in counseling, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Certified Gottman Therapist, having trained at the Gottman Institute in Seattle.

Zach is the founder and co-host of a popular podcast called Marriage Therapy Radio.  And he is the author of the best selling relationship guide, The Relationship Alphabet, as well as his latest book Marriage Therapy Journal. 

His writings and insights have been featured in Verily Magazine, Psych Central, Mother.ly, Men’s Health Magazine, Real Simple Magazine, and the Washington Post.

• Website: ZachBrittle.com
• Facebook: Zach-Brittle-Couples-Therapist-Writer-Teacher
• Podcast: Marriage Therapy Radio
• Books
  • The Relationship Alphabet
  • Marriage Therapy Journal

What you’ll learn

• How Zach stumbled into couples therapy and discovered it was his passion
• Zach’s training with John Gottman at the Gottman Institute
• John Gottman’s research in the Love Lab in Seattle
• The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse and how these 4 behaviours will kill your relationships if you don’t learn to  identify them and deal with them
  • Criticism 
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling
  • Contempt
• Why two-thirds of the problems in a relationship will never be solved
• How to focus on solvable problems and learn to live with unsolvable problems. 
• Why so many relationships have problems following the arrival of kids
• Strategies for keeping your relationship healthy
• How the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown could impact relationships
• The importance of having a ‘common enemy’ in a relationship
• Zach’s latest book – Marriage Therapy Journal
• And…. some of Zach’s latest dad jokes!

Resources

• The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman
• The Gottman Institute
• More info on the Four Horseman

Quotes by Zach Brittle

“Date night isn’t the goal. The goal is connection!”